Skip to main content


Showing posts from 2008

18th birthday :), a day that was!

This was the second best birthday (the best will always be my 17th birthday) I have had so far and since it was me miltstone birthday (i finally turned 18!!), I'm glad I'll always have really happy memories to associate with this day. It started at night only, when three of this friends of mine gave me very chocolaty surprise!! (about which he has written here - I went late to college, around 11.Had amazing fun with lakshya over there and at IHC, won a competition, became richer than we already were :)... Alot more happened but I do not have the strength or time (have my final exams from tomorrow) to write about it.All I want to say is,I loved the day and keep going back to parts of it.

Identity Crisis

My heart goes out to this dog who looks like a Pomeranian, but is black AND his name is Poodle! I wonder what it would be like to be in his place where you have no clue who (or what) you are, or maybe even what all you are. Even his owners don't really know his breed. "He might be a hybrid",they say (which I am pretty sure he is).

Whatever the thing is, I feel very bad for that poor dog! I hope he someday comes to know what he exactly is. :)
P.S. tried getting his picture but couldn't. :(


for the title: don't know what else to write. this entry can't be given any heading because I'm just going to vent out all that's been accumulating inside me for quite long now.

And I've really had enough, enough of all these people around me who (i am damn sure) have conspired to make my life hell. they just can't let me be. and that is majorly pissing off. please if you read this(since you're so many, at least some might just read it), get this straight in your head that i really don't need you in my life. and no this is not out of any ego bursts or something, just a very genuine thing that you're no longer required. even the thought of you depresses me so please, BUZZ OFF!! least for sometime, just let me be. that's the least i can ask you to do. i already have too much on my mind to deal with you and your nonsense(trust me it is utter garbage to me, because i really am not interested).

and why am i doing this on world wide web? well, of c…

my renovated house!

It was Diwali time and therefore, like many others, my house also got renovated. Although I wasn't even informed about it in the beginning ("because you're hardly home", is what my parents said), it was a good news. It was exciting to come home and discover all the progress that was being made on a daily basis. Even though the house was in a complete mess, I was loving the way things were turning up.
The work was scheduled to be completed in the next 3-4 days, but I had to leave for Kanpur for a college competition. I came back one day before Diwali and, as expected, my house did look different.
But now I realise it's no longer "home" for me. Home is some place where you can be comfortable but unfortunately after renovations, my mother has become even a bigger cleanliness freak. I'm not allowed to walk with floaters in the house, I'm supposed to clean the floor if I leave patches on it, I'm supposed to wash my feet as soon as I enter the house…


Sometimes we take ages to get attached to people, and sometimes we don't even realise how close we have come.

The person I am referring to over here never had a significant role in my life (or so I thought). We interacted for a brief period of time and although we both had a liking for each other, there was no special bond between us that I could see or feel. And then came the news that she was leaving, going to a different place, leaving everything behind. As expected, I did not feel any great loss or sadness because of this. The days that followed the news were very much routine.

It was only in her farewell (or fair well, as we all choose to call it) that I realised how very much I was going to miss her. I thought it was just on the surface that I was feeling bad, because everyone else was in that kind of a mood, but it was only later that I realised how much I wanted her to stay. I tried to hold back my tears, but the streams refused to stop flowing. I tried to gather courage to …

One Night at the Railway Station! (And the events that followed)

23rd October:

I was supposed to leave for the railway station at 5.00 in the morning. i woke up at 4.30 to get ready, only to find out that my train was running 4 hrs late. So instead of going to the station, I planned to go to the college first. Before leaving my house, I gave Sana a call. "Our train had been cancelled. We don't know how we are going." She informed. I was asked to reach the college asap.

On my way to college I was trying to come up with other options to reach Kanpur. The only two that seemed feasible were taking another train, or booking a bus.

I reached college around 10:15. Save a few, everyone else was already there- some with parents, some without. The one's who were absent were busy arranging for trains or buses, whatever they could lay their hands on. The people from Gargi were also taking a bus. They were already at the station, and with the fate same as ours, even their train had been cancelled. So it was finally decided that we all will take o…

Hey There Delilah!!

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh …

Wasted Efforts

I spend almost all my time sitting in the chaupal. We have lots of dogs(and bitches) in our college premises. I've been around them for quite sometime now but recently(due to the circumstances), I'm somehow looking differently at the relationship these animals share.

There is this bitch whose is diseased. The area around her neck seems to have decayed. The fur in that part is gone and so the skin which was once under it is infected badly. But still the other dogs(or even us for that matter) do not discriminate against that bitch. The beautiful part about this (which compelled me to write about it) is that we all have accepted her the way she is. I fail to understand why is it so difficult for us humans to do the same? Why can't we come to terms with our flaws(and of others) and whatever other things we(and others) lack and be okay with it???????

And why can't some people be happy in being accepted the way they are?? When you are ready to deal with circumstances, the situ…

Emotional Catharsis- Rediscovery of Self

Okay the title might sound a bit heavy but what we went through, trust me on that, was hell a lot heavier.
This was 2nd day of Bhawins’ workshop (details not required) where we were required to enact a scene describing some incident, object, thing, person, etc. etc. that influenced us in such a way that it changed us or our lives forever. Since none of us had prepared an act (or given much thought to it for that matter), we ended up recalling incidents that had changed us as a person.
The first person to go was Sana- Sana who I have always seen smiling and laughing and, till yesterday, emotionally the strongest in our group. She was in the wings for some time and when she entered, we could all sense that the incident she would narrate was a very emotional one. This is when the whole mood of the session- a very emotional mood, was set and by the end of it, suppressed sobs could be heard in that appalling silence. One by one we all went and talked about are experiences. It was beautiful t…

Acts of Faith: PART 1

Acts of Faith: Eric Segal
Chapter 28

Deborah averted her eyes and nervously plucked at blades of grass. At last she spoke.
"I've really been through a lot since.....that night."
She told him about her servitude in Mea Sherim and her flight to freedom.
"You were very brave.: he murmured.
"My father didn't exactly see it that way."
"I'll bet," he acknowledged. "He's a very strong-willed person."
"So am I. I'm his daughter after all," she said. "Besides, I've done a lot of growing up. I'm nearly twenty now."
"Yes," he responded, gazing at her face, "and very beautiful."
"That's not what I meant," she said shyly.
"I know. I was just changing the subject to something more important."
"Don't you want to know the rest of my story?" she asked uneasily.
"Some other time." He moved within a arms length of her, still not touching.
"I'd like t…

Acts of Faith: PART 2

Acts of Faith: By Eric Segal
Chapter 29: Timothy
"They parted at the Jerusalem bus station. As Deborah climbed onto the first step, he impulsively pulled her back for one last embrace.
He could not let her go. He loved her with a fire so intense it would have burnt all his resolve had Deborah allowed it.
"we shouldn't do this," she protested weakly. "Your friends, I mean the ones who saw us--"
"I don't care--I don't care about anything but you."
"That's not true--"
"I swear to God. Ilove you more."
"No, Tim, you really don't know how you feel."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Because I don't know myself."
She tried to break away, not only because his priesthood was at risk but because, for her own sake, she had to leave now or never. And she did not want him to remember her face streaming with tears.
Yet as they stood in one another's arm, she could feel the sob he, too, was struggling to s…


When asked to imagine children between the age-group of 3 to 10 yrs, the image that crosses our minds is that of robust and healthy children bubbling with energy in their carefree lives, without any tensions of the outside world. But there exists reality outside out imagination, which we all are aware of but hardly pay any attention to.
Welcome to the world of Street Performers!! While on one hand we crib about being stuck in traffic jams and caught up on traffic lights in our air-conditioned cars, there are those on the other hand whose daily breads depends on there sessions. Dozens of children armed with miniature dholes and sticks flock Siri Fort crossing right from 10 in the morning till 5 in the evening, displaying their ‘talents’ in front of any interested onlooker. They come from as far as Patel Nagar and commute using buses and local trains. They have been in this business for the past 4-5 years, although they themselves are just 7-8 yrs old!
Kalpana(3yrs) and Ch…

The World as We See It!!

“Once upon a time, there was a very powerful king (let us call him the ‘good king’ for convenience sake) in the kingdom of Tapi. He was immensely popular among his subjects and was respected and loved by them. Because of this, the king (the ‘bad king’- again for convenience sake) of the neighboring kingdom really envied him. He was always plotting some or the other game plan against the good king. One day, the bad king came across a witch who was known to enchant even the mightiest of all under her spell. It so happened that this witch, following the orders of the bad king, cast a spell on the biggest well in the good king’s kingdom. Whoever drank water from that well went absolutely crazy. Within no time, the whole kingdom, except the good king and his queen, was under the spell. When the king tried to control the chaotic situation by issuing orders, his men ridiculed and criticized him. The wish of the bad king had finally come true.
The good king contemplated a lot about this diffic…

We Know But We Don't Understand

I should have written about this incident last week only when I was thoroughly under its impact but somehow I didn’t get time. I’ll still try to put in plain words what I felt, even though the feelings have gone astray in this one week only.

Our whole batch had been invited by our comm. theory teacher to a film festival which was screening some films on the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bomb blasts. We all (thought we) knew about it, and were least interested in attending it, but just for attendance sake all twenty of us reached the destination just in time for the show to begin. We entered a small auditorium and waited for the screening to begin (or rather end). The first movie was about the birth of earth. Needless to day, we all had already started whispering about our plans for after the session.

What followed next shook us completely from within. It was a documentary on blast victims (Hiroshima and Nagasaki), who had survived to put up with the anguish of all that they had lost. Their tal…

On the Path of Self- Realisation:

On the Path of Self- Realisation:

I take the same route to college and back everyday. For the past few months, I have noticed a very troubled looking woman living on the pavement in a miserably shabby condition and tattered clothes. She sits alone all day, I have come to know from the nearby vendors, and is continuously talking and smiling to herself. Onlookers call her crazy and maybe a witch, while children from the nearby slums derive enormous pleasure out of this ‘entertainment package’. Last week, I noticed a huge crowd around her on my way back. I stopped the rickshaw and got down to find about what had happened. On enquiring, I was told that this was all due to some trivial fight which sort of went out of hand. They were accusing the ‘mad woman’ of throwing stones as passerby’s.
This incident really bothered me for a long time. I finally decided to go and find out about how she became what she had. When I proposed this in front of people who had seen her, I was ridiculed and made…

guilt pangs

"when the wish and the fear are exactly the same, we call the dream a nightmare."

i read this line is a book(shantaram) i was reading a few months back, and suddenly its making a lot more sense to me than it did.

but what i am still not able to accept and make sense out of is the fact that dreams are what we consciously refrain from wishing for but unconsciously want. I'm having the same dream (or nightmare if u wish to call it so) since quite some time now, but when i think about it in broad daylight, i fail to make out why I'm indulging in such thoughts. they're not anything to be ashamed of but consciously when i think about it, i realise i don't what it to happen the way my dreams project it every now and then. and very frankly, my life would become miserable if it really does happen. in a way, it'll complete full circle.

there are people i despise, and i despise thinking about them to0. but they visit me in my thoughts quite often and leave me thinking …

3 degrees of separation!

Living in Delhi and spending almost my entire life in DPS Noida has every now and then made me realise that the 6 degrees of separation theory might be just a li'l inappropriate for people residing in Delhi and Noida, specially the students. Here, as you will later on see for yourself, the degree of seapration is around 2 or at the max 3. You are somehow linked to every third person you know through the weirdest of connections.

I was talking to one of my friends doing law from NUJS Kolkata when he told me that one of his friends wanted to talk to me. Before I could make it clear how not interested i was, the other person came on line. This is how the conversation went:
friend's friend: "Hey mishika!"
me: "Hey? who is it?"
friend's friend: "Disha ya! U obviusly dont remember you??"
me: "Disha Bhutani?I cant believe its you!!"
And well yes, I really couldn't believe I was talking to her after two long years and this is how it was…

a "DATE" with dtc :(

such a horrible day! college had to start at 12 and i was sort of glad that i did'nt have to rush through things early'l did i realise that i'll still have to deal with the lech crowd all around me. changed 4 buses today to reach college but except the bus numbers, nothing else changed. people around you look at you as if you're some sort of an alien, pass obscene remarks, and make vulgar gestures. to top it all, they fall on you, and keep falling till either has to leave the bus. n alll this is not limited to the bus. the stops are crowded with equally disgusting people who have nothing better to do that stare, stare and keep staring till they get some other eye-catcher.. but i know im not the first one this is happening to, nor am i the last, so its better i get used to it(i wonder if i have another option!)