Thursday, January 05, 2017

Gyaan and Geisha

Happy New Year?

Not really. It's a new year, alright. Not all that happy though. Hoping a bad start leads to a better end.

Anyhow, it's good to be back after a year. I think this has become more of an annual ritual for me now which, to say the least, is extremely disappointing. And since even this post is rushed, I will only say the things I absolutely want to.

A dear friend gifted a copy of 'Memoirs of a Geisha' to me for my 26th birthday (yes, that happened :/) and needless to say, I am thankful to him for more than one reason. Firstly, it took away the most tedious task of choosing what to read, which is what takes (wastes?) most of my time. I ABSOLUTELY cannot make up my mind about what I want to read. End result? Piles of unread dusty books. Since that was taken care of, all I needed to do was be diligent enough to find time to read it. And I did! In less than a week! You see, that's the thing about a good book, you just cannot keep it down till you're done. But the tragedy is that once you're nearing the end, this irrational fear of your life losing meaning once the book is finished floods your mind with so much intensity, it's hard to explain. And hence the last 50 pages of this book were rationed by me very carefully, so that I could delay seeing the end of it for as long as possible.

And now secondly, because the book is such a wonderfully written, beautiful beautiful book! Safe to say, it was the best book to have reignited my voracious reading habit. Not only did the book transport me to another time, another place, the narrative is so honest, it teaches you so much about life and more!

And hence this post. Just sharing my favorite quotes and thoughts from the book. :)



"This is why dreams can be such a dangerous thing: they smolder on like a fire does, and sometimes consume us completely."

"Grief is most peculiar thing: we're so helpless in the face of it. It's like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it."

"We human beings have a remarkable way of growing accustomed to things."

"A woman living in a grand house may pride herself on all her lovely things; but the moment she hears the crackle of fire she decides very quickly which are the few she values the most."

"Nothing is bleaker than the future, except perhaps the past."

"Sometimes we get through adversity only by imagining what the world might be like if our dreams should ever come true."

"I don't think any of us can speak frankly about pain until we are no longer enduring it."

"Sometimes,' he sighed, 'I think the things I remember are more real than the things I see."

On that note, Happy New Year! :)

Sunday, January 24, 2016

New Year and All That Jazz

I had a brilliant opening to the year, less clutter, more positivity and definitely more happiness.

But the last two weeks have left me thinking about the point of all the momentary pleasures which make us give on the permanent ones. After all, what's the point of all this? After all, the moment will pass and we will be left with nothing, nothing at all.

I read about the death of Rohith Vemula. I had no, or probably very little, knowledge about the events that let to his suicide. But his last words struck a chord with me. Rohith talked about the feeling of emptiness that we all have, every once in a while. He talked about things that I think about. Few seconds, minutes, hours before he decided to take his life, this is what he had to say:

"Our feelings are second handed. Our love is constructed. Our beliefs coloured. Our originality valid through artificial art. It has become truly difficult to love without getting hurt.."


The more I think about it, the more I understand it. Life has to have more to it than temporary decisions based on temporary emotions. It can not always be about living in the moment, especially moments that may destroy the future that could have been.

A lot of this doesn't make sense, a lot of it doesn't make sense to me either. My actions are not guided by clarity of thought but mostly because I apprehend what will happen if I do, actually, think things through.


As of today, all I know is that decisions are best taken when you are fully conscious of the consequences that will follow. If you are not aware of those, or choose to be denial about them, they will come back and haunt you in the long run.

You can run, you can hide (and although you may be able to escape someone's love), you can't escape from life. It has a way of catching up with you are reminding you of all that you've done, and all that you could've done.

Memories are a bitch, seldom do we realise that they'll last a lifetime. Must be very careful about making them. They'll come and haunt you too.

tornintwo
Mishika

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Excerpts

Whatsapp group chats can be the most annoying thing at times. It's not surprising that most of us have almost all the groups on 'mute'.

However, every now and then, some really interesting conversation happens, and that is what I'm reproducing below, with just the initials of the people who sent them. Some thoughts are mine, some are not.

***
It started with this early morning message from one of us: ('A')

P: I think the biggest mistake people do is to attach love to happiness. The last line of this is guilty of that. Detaching happiness from everything else is the only key to happiness. Love, on the other hand, is another Pandora's box all together!

A: Morning gyaan part 2. So true.

M: Second that, P. And a Pandora's box should never be opened

A: Pandora box full of love should never be opened.

M: It's Pandora's box, you can never be sure what you're signing up for, love or all kinds of evils and miseries.

A: #heavymornings lol

K: But happiness is temporary. Love is more prominent even if we don't understand it. One can be happy if he knows he is loved. When have you heard someone being happy while he is hated by everyone ?

P: K, tum bache ho abhi. Zindagi nahi dekhi. Happiness is ONLY in your control, and love is one of the ONLY emotions not in your control.

M: The opposite of love is not hatred, it's mostly indifference. And it's easier to be happy when people are indifferent towards you, lesser people to disappoint, lesser expectations to meet

S: Omg guys

M: Happiness is most definitely in your control. Couldn't agree more. The day you stop looking for happiness in love is the day you may actually find it, my friend.

S: Shut up

M: Hi S! Welcome!

S: Kaafi unhappy hai log. Baaki pyaar mein

M: Yeh last wala gyan on point tha, M. Kaun unhappy hai?

S: Jo sab itni happiness ke baatein kar rahe hain

M: S ne kuch padha hi nahi😂😂

S: Naaahhiinn. Itna gyaan

M: Gyaan is good

S: Apna hi zyaada pad jaata hai

A: Hahaha. I am loving this

***

I have very recently learnt to dissociate happiness from love, especially love that is built only on reciprocation from the other side. More than learnt, it's an art that I have developed over the last few months. I am a hopeless romantic, and by hopeless, I mean really really hopeless. I have lived in a fantasy world which is fueled by love. (Un)fortunately, I have had to finally get out of this bubble, more like kicked out of it and shaken to face things as they are. Luckily for me, things have only been better post that realisation. I'm less anxious, less dependent, less *insert other negative things*. 

25th birthday did some really beautiful things for me. This was one of them. (More about birthday in the next post.)
Silver lining on silver birthday. :)


Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Silver

I'll be 25 in another two weeks, and for some unfathomable reason, I am pretty excited about this one. My birthdays are not really something I look forward to, and that's because of a lot of reasons- you keep building the hype for months and weeks and days and everything is over in just 24 hours, just like that, phoo; some calls never come, and you keep waiting till the end of the day, this thing constantly ticking at the back of you head; some unsaid expectations are not met, even though consciously you are not aware of these, but your heart shrinks when 'these things' don't happen.

That being said, this year has been quite a roller-coaster ride already, and there is not much to lose at this point in time. Hence the excitement. I've also made a special effort to clear the clutter, from my mind and physical space around me, just to make sure there is only good energy around my silver. And there are some little things that I have in mind to do for myself this birthday and in the year that follows. The best part- since my only expectations are from myself, it is only me that can disappoint me.

Silver Wishlist:
> Laptop
> Watch
> Bicycle
> Birthday dress



Silver resolutions:
> More sleep
> Less beer
> Lesser green tea
> More workout (more? more than nothing, atleast :/)
> More drawing
> More writing/blogging
> More cooking
> More saving
> More travel
> Turn down temper


Two more weeks with this subtle current of excitement that I am really hoping not to get jinxed, and bam! I'll be 25, quarter of a century.

*fingerscrossed*

22nd

23rd
24th




Wednesday, November 04, 2015

Chris Martin

If you never try you never know.

But what if you do try and it doesn't work out in your favor? Do you get a chance to go back and fix things and restore them to what they were, or do you live with the fact that somewhere down the line, probably years from now, you will wake up one day and regret this decision you took?

What if you don't try? Are you willing to live your life in the shadow of all the 'what ifs' that could've happened but didn't because you refused to try?

What is easier to do? To know for certain, even if things don't go your way, or to live a life imagining what could have been but didn't,

The choice is unbelievably hard, but it's a choice we all have to make at certain points in our lives-what stream to choose, which college to go to, study more or start working, money or happiness, hold on or let go, move away or keep trying.

There is no way to know what life has in store for us. The only certainty is change. The tiniest of decisions can alter our lives in ways unimaginable. But we live with it, we stop exploring every option, we stop doubting, we find assurance in the decisions we take when the outcomes are what we expected. Probably, this is what growing up is all about. You don't have the constant urge to deep dive in the unknown just to find out when or whether or not you'll surface.

But for how long? The urge will come back, as we won't have a choice to make anymore choices. And that choice of being in a place where no more choices can be made must have been some conscious decision we took.

At best, we can all live with it.

"The world is round for a reason, it's so that we can't see too far ahead of us."
Faith.