Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Attachment

I've always thought that attachment was a non-physical entity, just an emotional bond, that you develop over time. It was only very recently that I discovered that, for me, it is more of a physical thing. And this is the best way I could describe it-

"It's like you open own up to another person, layer by layer. Initially, only the first few, superficial layers come out, the one where your opinions, your interests, your stories are hidden. These layers are the ones we shed every now and then, to make way for new layers, for new opinions, new interests, and new stories. But somewhere, as time passes by, you open up your deeper layers and let someone else in, with them letting you in at the same time. It's not a conscious process, it's just how it is. Strangers that you have just met suddenly seem to know you better than 'friends' you have spent so much time with. Before you know, you have shed the deepest layers and bared your soul to someone, without even knowing about it. Consciously, you're just 'close' to that person, you 'like taking to' them, et cetera. Then layers start overlapping each other and they enjoin each other to form something you are not even aware of yet.

But then this thing happens. You can't describe it.  You can't really pin point what it is. All you know is that bit by bit, something is happening, and that something, you can feel in your belly when you go off to sleep, you can feel in your heart when you wake up in the morning, you can feel it in your gut, every time you think of that person.

It's the other person withdrawing. Suddenly, all the layers that were perfectly moulded with that person are left open, left open vulnerable to damage. You hurt, layer by layer, inch by inch, and with every layer being left damaged, you lose a bit of yourself.

And it is that that makes you physically sick, the open layers looking for comfort, that makes you twist and turn all night, that makes your heart sink every time you think of that person, that leaves a sour taste in your mouth every time you take their name."

I wish I could draw. The layers. This just sounds very weird now. :/

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Of this and that.

Hi, it's been a while, I know.
The 100 workout days never happened, 100 happy days did.

This is not about either. This is about what someone just said, something that went like "main apni phooti kismet par ro raha hun". (I am crying over my rotten luck)

And it made me think if kismet really means anything, and if it just not a result of all the rotten choices we make in life believing them to be right at that very moment.

Whenever Ma is giving me some gyaan, she almost always ends with "aur ye time kabhi wapas nahi ayega" (This moment is never going to come back). It is only now I realise how true it is. This time, 10.24pm on 21st May 2014, will NEVER come back in my life, and whatever choice I make at this point in time, I will have to live with it forever.

Kismet, luck, fate, destiny, or whatever else you call it is nothing but all the life choices you have made, all the 'what ifs?' that will never be answered and all the roads not taken. And it is when none of this works in our favour, we blame our kismet.

That. Just wanted to spell that out.
For my own future reference.

Sleep tight.

Sunday, February 09, 2014

Day 9

And my favorite day is here!!

So today was a good good day. Body is getting used to all the exercise. And it feels goooooooood!!
I went to ComicCon today. Pictures are on their way.

Sunday well spent.

PS: The posts are getting shorter by the day.

Saturday, February 08, 2014

Day 8

Good gooood day!! I started something new. It was fun. 15mins have now stretched to almost 25mins.
I hope I am able to continue with this.
Damn tired. Hopefully a longer post tomorrow.

Goodnight! :*

Friday, February 07, 2014

Day 6 and 7

So yes, I skipped two days, and am pretty bummed about it. Although I think I knew this was coming. It was dear dear friends birthday and the last 36 hours just...well..how do I put it...slipped away!

Any how, tomorrow is a new day. The count will be the same, but I'm hoping this was just a one off. A long lost friend just told me that I should "looooouuvveeee" it and make it my PRIORITY. I'm listening, mister. Don't you worry.

PS. The party was fab!!

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Day 5

Hectic hectic hectic day. Rushing.
Day 5- Good!
Leg pain- Gone.
Jumping jacks- Check.
Squats- Check!

Well, at least it started well.
May miss tomorrow.

bye!

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

Day 4

Wow, I'm actually proud of myself as I write this. Four days, not bad, eh?
Leg pain is much better. Did some jumping jacks today. Got terribly late for college today, so didn't spend much time working out.

And I wore pink pants to college today. Hot pink. :D

PS: A lot of things happened "today", it seems.

Monday, February 03, 2014

Day 3

Third time's the charm? I think I agree.

I was smart enough to not do those stupid squats today. Actually, I couldn't. So I focused on the upper body, and it was nice. Youtube does help. Anyhow, I wouldn't want to bore you with what I did and what I skipped. I'd rather bore you with other (un)interesting details of my life, but probably some other time. 10pm is my bedtime, you see. Have a good night. :)

PS. Mr. Senior Stalker, happy now? ;)

Sunday, February 02, 2014

Day 2

I realised this doesn't need hashtags. :)

So Day 2 was bad. I'm not going to use nicer words to make it sound better than it was. It was horrible!
Sunday morning and my body refused, that's right- just REFUSED- to get out of bed. I literally had to drag it out.

Anyhow, I couldn't do much leg exercises because my legs refused to acknowledge they are mine. But rest of it was good. Sweating in winters owing to workouts is the BEST FEELING EVER! I'm now looking for better stuff on youtube so that I get a better idea of what I am doing.

It's true that I took twice as long to get down the stairs, and probably thrice as long to climb back up, but the pain is that "sweet pain" that I have heard other people talking about. And hell yes, it is sweet!

This thing is not as bad as I thought it was when I started writing this.

Oh yeah
workingoutandtryingnottohateit

Bye!

Saturday, February 01, 2014

#100WorkoutDays #Day1

Firstly, I feel like an idiot for disappearing, again! After all that gyaan I gave here, and to myself, in October, I still didn't find time to come back to this.
Secondly, it's both a shame (because I'm blogging because I have to) and a good thing that now I will HAVE TO post everyday, since I have taken up the #100WorkoutDays Challenge. It's not really a challenge per se, more of something I'd been wanting to start since a really long time, and today was as good any other. I hope I survive the challenge. :)

#Day1

07.00am Trrrrrrrrng! (Alarm)
               Snooze
07.05am Trrrrrrrrrng!
               Snooze
07.10am Trrrrrrrrrng

Damn, it's February 1!

And finally after days, weeks and months of postponing, I started working out. First day was good, I finally started! I did not do much, mostly tried to get my muscles to warm up for what's coming. 100 squats, some more warm up, some jumping jack, and I was set. Except, I wasn't.

So the worst part about today was the long flight of stairs I had to take while exiting IP Metro Station. For those of you who travel by metro, you may have an idea of what I am talking about. Anyway, the point is that my muscles were so stiff by the time I left for college that I could hardly move.The worse was coming down the stairs. At one point, it seemed almost impossible!

I have somehow got through the first day, and will hopefully rise and shine early tomorrow as well. However, I do feel stupid about starting on a weekend. Bye bye late Sundays, hello early morning workouts! And the tummy ache since yesterday evening isn't helping either. But, if I don't continue with this tomorrow, I know I will slack again.

So wish me luck, and hope that I can pull this off. I'm not expecting a very major before and after difference (considering I don't have much weight to lose; I'm 46kgs), but I will post a #Day100 picture, for sure. :D

Goodnight.