Friday, December 07, 2012

"Ek Hazaaro Mein Meri Behna Hai"

I miss my sister.
I haven't spoken to her in over a month now, and I miss her.

We weren't always like this.

When we were little, during winters, she used to convince me to let her keep her cold hands on my stomach. And I got convinced, just like that. I think it was mostly because I was too eager to please her. I've always thought she has had the perfect life. And since I wanted that perfect life too, I wanted to do everything like her. Except, I couldn't.

I don't remember the last time I had a 'sisterly' talk with her. The last I can remember is something when she was in Pune and I was in class XIth. That's six years back.

Anyhow, the reason why I was compelled to write this is because she is going to get married soon. And every night when I go to sleep, I want to be able to hold her and go to sleep. But there is something in me that just won't let me. I don't want to acknowledge it as my ego; I think it's just the fear of rejection, that she will shout at me, or snub me, or just ignore. I fear that I have disappointed her so much that there is no way back.

She'll be gone soon. Before that, I want to be able to hold her and sleep, her cold hand on my warm stomach, just like when we were kids. :(

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