Moving On!!

I took a decision yesterday,
I'm not too sure how right, or how wrong,
All I know is that I'm the middle of this ocean, whose shore is not in my vicinity,
Just hoping that the tides, would sway me along.

I knew it would be hard,
But it's harder than I thought.
Becuase you still remain in my memory,
A memory that I thought I long back forgot.

You are my past, and this is my present,
This is a fact, to terms with which I have to come.
But like every other failed attempt to move away from you,
This might also be easier said than done!

I'll give in my everything to make this work,
I want to give in my heart and soul.
But feelings for you that have been supressed for long,
Will undoubtedly be very difficult to control!

THEORIZING LIFE:Reality v/s Illusion

After pondering over this for a really long time, I have finally come to the conclusion that life does exist in two parallel forms: ‘reality’ and ‘illusion’.

Reality is what we are forced to live in, just because it is said to be ‘normal’ and ‘real’, although few realize that the concept of ‘reality’ and ‘real’ is also quite relative (like every other thing, in my opinion). My reality will always be different from yours, and yours will be different from another third person's. But the only thing that is common between all our realities is that it never can make us truly ‘happy’ (another concept that involves relativity). What makes me happy today, might not tomorrow, and vice-versa. And by always being close to ‘reality’, there will always be something that bothers us. I certainly, totally, completely, fully (and allother "ly-s" to emphasize my point) believe that it is impossible to have a picture perfect ‘reality’ and be happy with it. You can be content, compromise and adjust, but then again, that does reduce your happiness quotient (if that exists) to a large degree.

On the other hand, illusion (Aah! How much I love the word at this point in my life!!) is just being away from reality. It’s a far-faraway land where everything is perfect (because it is an illusion). And to achieve complete happiness, you need to believe, and indulge, in this world of Illusion. It’s easy to get into, but really difficult to come out of. Happiness is addictive, even if it is fake, un’real’ and 'created'. Once you are there, experiencing the ultimate form of happiness, you just want to be there forever, which is quite understandable and hence justifiable too.

But the question here is- how long can you ignore reality and live in this world of illusion? Well, very honestly, forever. It’s a personal choice to opt for an alternate reality and live with it, and no one has as much control of your life as you do (and if they do, it’s time I share with you some wisdom from past experiences), and therefore, can’t really get you out of it. Situations and circumstances are two other amazingly glorified words which can drag you out of your space. But wasn’t it the situations that provoked you to get into this in the first place??

 

So after giving it a lot of thought, I choose to live in illusion and remain happy for the rest of my life (that actually means till the time I survive here).

 

One last thing: You can either live reality and be sad, or live in a world of illusion and be happy J.

 

DISCLAIMER: Whatever I have theorized is simply out of convenience. It might be childish, foolish or baseless (call it whatever you may want to) but it does make life so much simpler and worthwhile.

NOTE: thanks ish, for editing :) 

Wasted Efforts

I spend almost all my time sitting in the chaupal. We have lots of dogs(and bitches) in our college premises. I've been around them for quite sometime now but recently(due to the circumstances), I'm somehow looking differently at the relationship these animals share.

There is this bitch whose is diseased. The area around her neck seems to have decayed. The fur in that part is gone and so the skin which was once under it is infected badly. But still the other dogs(or even us for that matter) do not discriminate against that bitch. The beautiful part about this (which compelled me to write about it) is that we all have accepted her the way she is. I fail to understand why is it so difficult for us humans to do the same? Why can't we come to terms with our flaws(and of others) and whatever other things we(and others) lack and be okay with it???????

And why can't some people be happy in being accepted the way they are?? When you are ready to deal with circumstances, the situation and everything that should have been there but is not, how can that 'other' person refuse to cooperate?? Don't they realise that efforts which are made by them to lessen our pain ultimately end up hurting us more than we can take??

We take decisions for our better, so why are we not able to come to terms with reality which follows after the decision as been made??

I'm lost, I'm confused and I'm hurt. I don't know what's happening or why is it happening and was it that necessary!!! Its sometimes best to be oblivious to reality, and this time its all I can and wish to do.

P.S. This might not make enough sense to all readers, but if you know me well enough then it definitely will.

Emotional Catharsis- Rediscovery of Self

Okay the title might sound a bit heavy but what we went through, trust me on that, was hell a lot heavier.
This was 2nd day of Bhawins’ workshop (details not required) where we were required to enact a scene describing some incident, object, thing, person, etc. etc. that influenced us in such a way that it changed us or our lives forever. Since none of us had prepared an act (or given much thought to it for that matter), we ended up recalling incidents that had changed us as a person.
The first person to go was Sana- Sana who I have always seen smiling and laughing and, till yesterday, emotionally the strongest in our group. She was in the wings for some time and when she entered, we could all sense that the incident she would narrate was a very emotional one. This is when the whole mood of the session- a very emotional mood, was set and by the end of it, suppressed sobs could be heard in that appalling silence. One by one we all went and talked about are experiences. It was beautiful to see how no one had prepared anything beforehand, yet the words seem to take their own flow. What struck a cord with all of us was the fact that how relationships-good or bad- change our lives in such a drastic way, the impact they have on us, and how we can’t get out these complexities, no matter how hard we try!
The saddest and the most depressing part was that we all had learnt from relationship that had not been successful; obviously the beautiful part being that we don’t regret them even though they failed because they taught us lessons about life which will be with us forever. Here I would like to quote Kaustabhi, “Even a diamond has to undergo exhaustive grilling before it shines the brightest.” So I guess after going through so much suffering, betrayal, pain and sorrow, we’ve come out as much more matured people. After all (damn! I’m so clichéd), all’s well that ends well!

P.S. Only I know how relieved I am after writing this piece. I’ve been trying to write about “relationships” for a really long time now, but in vain. I’m glad I could finally put something into words, even though it’s barely 10% of what’s inside me. The rest will come out, slowly but surely.

Acts of Faith: PART 2

Acts of Faith: By Eric Segal
Chapter 29: Timothy
"They parted at the Jerusalem bus station. As Deborah climbed onto the first step, he impulsively pulled her back for one last embrace.
He could not let her go. He loved her with a fire so intense it would have burnt all his resolve had Deborah allowed it.
"we shouldn't do this," she protested weakly. "Your friends, I mean the ones who saw us--"
"I don't care--I don't care about anything but you."
"That's not true--"
"I swear to God. Ilove you more."
"No, Tim, you really don't know how you feel."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Because I don't know myself."
She tried to break away, not only because his priesthood was at risk but because, for her own sake, she had to leave now or never. And she did not want him to remember her face streaming with tears.
Yet as they stood in one another's arm, she could feel the sob he, too, was struggling to supress.
Their parting words were the same--and spoken almost in unision. Each told the other, "God bless you."
And turned away.