Mail Today!

I started interning with Mail Today from June 1.I attended my first Press Conference, and filed my first report. Needless to say, i'm getting into this whole journo feel and am loving it.

P.s. Waiting for my first byline.

P.p.s. I'd be uploading whatever I write over here, even if it doesn't get published. Please feel free to comment. In fact, you'll be doing me a favour :)

:'(

09.03.2010

Trying hard to fight fate,

A fate that is still unknown,

Trying to figure out what (who) is meant for me,

Or if forever I have to be alone.

I took a decision sometime back,

Which till today was the best i'd taken so far,

But now I'm as unsure as I was before,

Wondering if my whole world will fall apart.

I'm scared of what lies in store for me,

Scared of the future that's yet to come,

Scared that it will get ruined again,

Scared that I will have nowhere to run.

Disappointed,

Mish-ika

Kol-ka-taaa!!

Just uploading some pics because no words can do justice to what I felt when I was there. :D

Movie time!

I'm starting with the shoot of my fifth documentary tomorrow. And by shoot I mean I'm acting in it, not directing it. :(

It's "an intense love story", directed by students of final year M.A. Mass Communication, Jamia. Looking forward to it . :)

I've been planning on making my own movie since the beginning of this year, but somehow never got enough time. But that is just another excuse I know. Anyway, I hope I manage to direct one by the end of this semester.

**fingers crossed**

Oh and I saw "Pyaar Impossible". Horrible horrible movie. Sheer waste of money!

P.S. Dear anon stalker, I know who you are. I thought you had a life, but unfortunately you don't. I feel sorry for you.

Knock Knock!

They just got over with their last class for the day, night actually. It was 2am. Funny how some institutions don't really pay attention to our body clocks. Six of them shared a room, the biggest room in the hostel. He was about to change into his pajamas when she tapped the window pane. He didn't know her, and neither did she.

But she was beautiful.

She needed some change, urgently. He was too sleepy to pay attention. He checked his pockets and gave whatever little he had. That must havebeen enough, because she left.

He turned around and saw the other five staring at him, frozen. They looked petrified, as if they'd seen a ghost.

And maybe they had.

The room was on the 7th floor.

**true story**

Mish-ika

Blessed!!

I was coming back from North campus to my friends place in South on 23rd evening. We, six of us, gave 10/- to this eunuch. S/he blessed all of us individually. I don't believe in superstitions, but I know that this is considered to be very lucky. I hope it holds true for me, and the other five too.

I feel blessed, and maybe thats what matters.

Mish-ika :)

<3

People try to harm it but the caravan moves on,

The caravan finds love-an eternal bond.

Love resides like a secret inside,

The two lovers promise to stay side by side.

Its something that cannot be broken,

Its unbreakable because o the words that were spoken.

The lovers love, the lovers hide,

But no one can take away from them what they have, even if they died..

Messed Up Metro Ride!!

I'm now too sure about the fact that whenever I step out of my house, I'm all set to prove Murphy's Law!!!

I left from Gurgaon for college at 7.30, after spending yet another night out (2nd in the week!!) at a friend's place. I was planning to take a bus from CP to college, but ended up coming back home instead.

All was good till I reached Yamuna Bank Metro Station, where the idiotic Metro terminates. (I had already been pushed around way too much, so calling it 'good' isn't really all that appropriate. But on second thoughts, it was much better than what was going to happen next!!) So to get home, I needed to take another one. My chappal broke as soon as I got out of the first Metro.

Worse, I fell down!! Gathering all my belongings together, I rushed to the platform, with my one chappal in one hand, my bag and cell phone in the other, yellow socks in one feet, and yellow socks with black chappal in the other. Quite messed up, I know!

I stood next to the wrong side when the station came (Ok This really wasn't my fault. How the hell was I supposed to concentrate when so much was happening??). Again came the pushing bit, just that this time I was pushing everyone who came in my way. I took off my socks and kept them in my bag. (They're new, and I love them. :P). And my chappals were in my hand. I obviously had all eyes glued to me, all trying to figure out why would a girl walk barefoot on an early cold winter morning, that too at the Metro station!!

Horrible way to start the day!!

I can only it gets better, after all I have Lakshya later. :P

What's the big deal about saying "SORRY"??

"Sorry."

"I am sorry."

"I am sorry for you."

What is the big deal about apoogising to someone? Why do we make it such an ego hassle? OK I realise I did/said something stupid, then why does apologising for it become such a big fuss. It really isn't all that difficult. It’s just a word. It won’t make u big, or make me small. I’m allowed to make mistakes, and so are you. Why apology can’t be taken in the same harmless way is something that I fail to understand. I have so many times been coaxed into saying sorry, the recent line that was used being –“you be the bigger person and apologise.” Dude hello! I don’t want to be the bigger person. Not interested.

There are times when I do apologise even when I know I'm not wrong. But that is just to set things straight. If one word can remove so much negativity, then why not? Instead of blowing it up so much, it’s a better option to say sorry when need be. Or maybe later you’ll end up feeling ‘sorry’ for yourself.

The Good, the Bad (and the Inevitable End!) of Relationships :X

Somehow all relationships that I thought, even till the beginning of this year to be lifelong, ended in the most disgusting way. I don't know if it was my fault (I'm so sure I can't be wrong always!!) or the other person, but the fact remains that we are no longer a part of each others life.

Instance 1: I knew her for the longest time I have ever known a person. She was my 'best friend forever' type friend. We'd been there, with each other, through thick and thin, through everything. Still something went wrong, something so grave that it cannot be reversed no matter how hard I try. It just cant be back to what it was. I am still friends with her, still same on the face of it, but deep down I know I can never trust her, never ever. Its ruined, forever! :(

Instance 2: If ever there was any person who came close to me in the shortest time period possible, it was this friend from school. We were best friends for about two-three years and suddenly that came to an end too, in another disgusting but sort of expected way. I still did expect us to sort it out sooner or later, but i guess its already to late. I have learnt so much from this. One thing is for sure, I can never invest 100% in any of my relationships because I am more than sure that it will end. So well, whats the point?? *sigh*

Instance 3: The same happened with another close friend. We had issues with how we dealt with stuff on a regular basis. But that was something we always sorted out. Then suddenly he walked out of my life. no questions, no explanations. just (maybe not so) randomly. But now I know think it was sort of a good thing to happen, for reasons I'm still trying to get straight in my head. All i know is I can never be friends with him again, for the simple fact that you are no on to keep walking-in and out of my life as per your own convenience. Hello!! I might be an emotional fool, but I'm not all that dumb!

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is, after seeing all this in just year (actually from March to June only), that all relationships do come to an end sooner or later. I am no one to make such a comment about everyone, but it definitely is true for me. No matter how hard I (we??) try, it just does end. People don't remain in touch, some just get better friends, and most just generally grow apart. There is this expiry date that comes along with all my relationships, its just inevitable.

And I'm living with it now, and it's just a very convenient thing to do as of now. Regrets can come later if they have to.

:D

Chhu kar

Mere mann ko

kiya tune

Kya ishara

Badla yeh mausam

Laga pyaara jag saara...

Chhu kar..

Main khush hoon aaj khamakha!!

I've not been this happy for quite a while now. There is no particular reason (maybe there is, still figuring it out though!) but its just a phase which I want to enjoy till it lasts, and write about it so that I can feel the same joy again when I read it later.

There is no justification for doing something that is wrong, because since you know it is a wrong, the justification doesn't help. The other option can be to not think about it. Right now I know I am wrong, and as she said it- "It's karma, it will all come back to you sooner or later."- I'm ready for that also. Being selfish isn't that bad a thing after all, specially when you have given the other person food for thought.

I'm enjoying this time and I refuse to get out of it for my selfish reasons. I know I'm hurting people but then I've been hurt too. (Just when I thought I was happy, I realised how cynical I have become!!)

Anyway,

Main khush hun aaj khamakha

Ya iss dil mein hai koi wajah

Na jaanu main iss mod par

Ajab aisa hua hai kya

Main khush hun aaj khamakha

Ki dil mein khushi ke rang hain

Aur mann mein shukriya

Ki ye samay mere sang hai!

Main khush hun aaj khamakha

Na darr na fikr hai ab mujhe

Takdeer to khud hi likhi hai

To kaun rok sakega mujhe??

What will be, will be!

We all have to resort to believing in destiny at some or the other point in our lives, and that usually happens when we don't have much idea about what is happening in our lives, or maybe even why it is happening.

If it is actually in our moments of decision that our destiny is shaped, then more often than not we should be aware about what lies in store for us. This, surprisingly, doesn't happen. When anything goes wrong, we blame it on destiny. When there is no explanation for an event to occur, we blame it on destiny. When our brain stops comprehending whats happening around us, we blame it on destiny. In simple words, as soon as we think we are losing control over our lives, and someone (something!) has to take charge, we blame it on destiny!!

This blame-game just makes life easier. No questions asked, no explanations sought! It also is a really nice way to pacify oneself about their life. its not really our fault when things go downhill, "because its written". How convenient!

These are some of my favorite quotes on destiny:

No living man can send me to the shades Before my time; no man of woman born, Coward or brave, can shun his destiny.

Author: Homer

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
Author: Wiiliam Jennings Brian

Men heap together the mistakes of their lives and create a monster they call destiny.
Author: John Oliver Hobbes

Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.
Author: John F Kennedy

No Non-Veg :(

Its almost September. Exactly 3 months and 9 days left until I can have non-veg again. Actually it shouldn't be a can. I still can, but I know for a fact that I won't.

I quit non-veg almost 9months back, on my 18th birthday, for a year. I never thought it was possible to control the temptation for so bloody long, but I'm proud of the fact that I survived! I'm all the more impressed with myself because my other family members have non-veg almost everyday, for all three meals!! We all just loove chicken (any kind), well-cooked mutton (mostly the type my mother makes), not that fond of fish though.

3 more months to go. Not enough motivation left in me but I know I will survive. I wish I had asked for something in return, like a mannat or something. Would have definitely been a great motivation. Nevertheless, I will survive!

Maybe the picture will make me feel better about not eating chicken!

Waiting!!

18 July!

18 July 2006: The best decision for my life was taken by the worst person I have ever known.

I feel so stupid when I think about what happened 3years ago, and how much it meant to me at that point in time. I was sure I would never get over it, but I did. Eventually. Time does heal everything, at least most of the things that are ugly memories and scar your mind to such an extent that you have no option but to not think about it at all (but even with that in mind, you do end up thinking about it!).

Thanks for being such a horrible person, it made flushing you out of my life so easy. And thanks for taking that decision. If not for that, I would have probably suffocated to death!

Just randomly at 1am last night, had nothing better to do (that's obviously a lie. I could have read, slept, anything but THIS!!)

Inspired from the poem (otherwise fictitious) that Julia Stiles reads in the end for Heath Ledger in "10 Things I Hate About You".

{ I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.}

This is what my version is like:

I hate you for the fact that you know me so well,

I hate to think of the moment for you when I fell.

I hate to cry whenever I think of you,

I hate that with each other, we no longer have anything to do.

I hate the paths that I now have to travel alone,

I hate to admit that from my life you're gone.

I hate everything that reminds me of you,

I hate the fact that I don't really hate them too.

I hate to see how you just don't care,

I hate to know there is nothing we anymore share.

I hate to dream all day (and night) about you,

I hate the fact that you still just see through.

I hate how you threw me out of you life,

I hate the fact, that without you it's so hard to survive.

I hate to come up with excuses so that we can meet,

I hate that without you, I feel so incomplete.

I hate to be always giving you a thought,

I hate it so much because you still mean hell a lot.

I hate it when out of the blue I get your text,

I hate it when I spend hours thinking-what next?

I hate the fact that I can hate you never,

Because loving you once, now means loving you forever!!

P.S.: No (questioning) comments, please!

Moving On!!

I took a decision yesterday,
I'm not too sure how right, or how wrong,
All I know is that I'm the middle of this ocean, whose shore is not in my vicinity,
Just hoping that the tides, would sway me along.

I knew it would be hard,
But it's harder than I thought.
Becuase you still remain in my memory,
A memory that I thought I long back forgot.

You are my past, and this is my present,
This is a fact, to terms with which I have to come.
But like every other failed attempt to move away from you,
This might also be easier said than done!

I'll give in my everything to make this work,
I want to give in my heart and soul.
But feelings for you that have been supressed for long,
Will undoubtedly be very difficult to control!

100 truths

Yes I have copied this from face book, just for the simple reason that I don't understand why I would want to tag others in something that is totally about me (and why they would be interested in being tagged either).

LAST:

1. Last beverage = nimbu paani (counts?)
2. Last phone call = aanchal ghai ($%&$)

3. Last text message= anirudh
4. Last song you listened =well respected man
5. Last time you cried = saturday (21st)
HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice = not yet, might just in sometime
7. Been cheated on =ya, emotionally
8. Kissed someone & regretted it = yes
9. Lost someone special = lots of them
10. Been Depressed = a lot
11. Been drunk and threw up = just once

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12.black/brown (can't decide)
13. pink
14. red

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)

15. Made new friends = plenty
16. Fallen out of love = ya. finally
17. Laughed until you cried = yes
18. Met someone who changed you =met someone long time back, changed now because of that.                                                                   does that count?
19. Found out who your true friends were = that i never will 
20. Found out someone was talking about you = oh ya. 
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list = not this year
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life=60%;there are so many juniors 
23. How many kids do you want to have = 2
24. Do you have any pets = no :(
25. Do you want to change your name = never 
26. What did you do for your last birthday = went to IHC for a performance, won 15,000/-
27. What time did you wake up today =9.58 (a text woke me up)
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = sleeping, I'm never up till that long
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for= daawat-e-khaan
30. Last time you saw your Mother = 2hrs back
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? =one is too less
32. What are you listening to right now = nothing
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom =ya, just that i don't call him that 
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = this thing
35. Most visited web page =gmail.com
36. Whats your real name =Mishika
37. Nicknames = tutul, mishy, mishi, mishu, mishti, tul
38. Relationship Status = single
39. Zodiac sign = Sagittarius
40. Male or female or transgendered= female 
41. Primary school = foundation
42. High School =DPS NOIDA
43. College =Kamala Nehru
44. Hair color = deep brown
45. Long or short = short
46: Height = 5'3"
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = well, on three people ;)
48: What do you like about yourself? = quite a lot
49. Piercings =nose:1, ears:4 (3+1)
50. Tattoos = nahi
51. Righty or lefty = righty 

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery = not had one
53. First piercing = ears
54. First best friend = kanika 
55. First vacation =must have been patna or ranchi
56. First crush = kabir

RIGHT NOW

59. Eating = nothing
60. Drinking = nothing
61. I'm about to call =kanika 
62. Listening to = nothing
63. Waiting 4 = momos

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids? = yes
65. Get married? = not sure
66. Careers in mind? = plenty

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes = lips
68. Hugs or kisses = hugs
69. Shorter or taller = tall
71. Romantic or spontaneous = spontaneous 
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = stomach
73. Sensitive or loud = both
74. Hook-up or relationship = neither
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = both


HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger= don't remember
77. Drank hard liquor = yes
78. Lost glasses/contacts =no 
79. Sex on first date = no
80. Broken someones heart = yes 
81. Had your own heart broken = always
82. Been arrested = not yet
83. Turned someone down = yes
84. Cried when someone died = yes
85. Liked a friend that is a girl? = not yet

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself = not now
87. Miracles =yes
88. Love at first sight = no
89. Heaven = no
90. Santa Clause =no
91. Kiss on the first date = ... 
92. Angels = no

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

93. Is there one person you want to be with right now? =there are three, is that allowed? 
94. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? = not yet
95. Did you sing today? = lo...yes
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?=i won't
98. If you could pick a day from any years passed by and relive it, what would it be=2007 new years eve
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? = terribly afraid, it takes ages to fall out of it
100. Posting this as 100 truths? =ahh...dumb!