The Leaver and The Leavee (or, The Ignorer and The Ignoree)

As explained by a friend, "In every relationship, there is a Leaver and a Leavee. While the Leaver leaves, the Leavee gets left behind." And I shall add, this might just be a way to maintain balance in a relationship.

I had come up with the same thing (and it the same context, which of course is not of much importance now) a few days before him, the only difference being his Leaver was my Ignorer and his Leavee was my Ignoree. And again, the same old story, while the Ignorer ignores, the Ignoree keeps getting ignored.

I rest my case.

The Good, the Bad (and the Inevitable End!) of Relationships :X

Somehow all relationships that I thought, even till the beginning of this year to be lifelong, ended in the most disgusting way. I don't know if it was my fault (I'm so sure I can't be wrong always!!) or the other person, but the fact remains that we are no longer a part of each others life.

Instance 1: I knew her for the longest time I have ever known a person. She was my 'best friend forever' type friend. We'd been there, with each other, through thick and thin, through everything. Still something went wrong, something so grave that it cannot be reversed no matter how hard I try. It just cant be back to what it was. I am still friends with her, still same on the face of it, but deep down I know I can never trust her, never ever. Its ruined, forever! :(

Instance 2: If ever there was any person who came close to me in the shortest time period possible, it was this friend from school. We were best friends for about two-three years and suddenly that came to an end too, in another disgusting but sort of expected way. I still did expect us to sort it out sooner or later, but i guess its already to late. I have learnt so much from this. One thing is for sure, I can never invest 100% in any of my relationships because I am more than sure that it will end. So well, whats the point?? *sigh*

Instance 3: The same happened with another close friend. We had issues with how we dealt with stuff on a regular basis. But that was something we always sorted out. Then suddenly he walked out of my life. no questions, no explanations. just (maybe not so) randomly. But now I know think it was sort of a good thing to happen, for reasons I'm still trying to get straight in my head. All i know is I can never be friends with him again, for the simple fact that you are no on to keep walking-in and out of my life as per your own convenience. Hello!! I might be an emotional fool, but I'm not all that dumb!

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is, after seeing all this in just year (actually from March to June only), that all relationships do come to an end sooner or later. I am no one to make such a comment about everyone, but it definitely is true for me. No matter how hard I (we??) try, it just does end. People don't remain in touch, some just get better friends, and most just generally grow apart. There is this expiry date that comes along with all my relationships, its just inevitable.

And I'm living with it now, and it's just a very convenient thing to do as of now. Regrets can come later if they have to.

Just randomly at 1am last night, had nothing better to do (that's obviously a lie. I could have read, slept, anything but THIS!!)

Inspired from the poem (otherwise fictitious) that Julia Stiles reads in the end for Heath Ledger in "10 Things I Hate About You".

{ I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.}

This is what my version is like:

I hate you for the fact that you know me so well,

I hate to think of the moment for you when I fell.

I hate to cry whenever I think of you,

I hate that with each other, we no longer have anything to do.

I hate the paths that I now have to travel alone,

I hate to admit that from my life you're gone.

I hate everything that reminds me of you,

I hate the fact that I don't really hate them too.

I hate to see how you just don't care,

I hate to know there is nothing we anymore share.

I hate to dream all day (and night) about you,

I hate the fact that you still just see through.

I hate how you threw me out of you life,

I hate the fact, that without you it's so hard to survive.

I hate to come up with excuses so that we can meet,

I hate that without you, I feel so incomplete.

I hate to be always giving you a thought,

I hate it so much because you still mean hell a lot.

I hate it when out of the blue I get your text,

I hate it when I spend hours thinking-what next?

I hate the fact that I can hate you never,

Because loving you once, now means loving you forever!!

P.S.: No (questioning) comments, please!

THEORIZING LIFE:Reality v/s Illusion

After pondering over this for a really long time, I have finally come to the conclusion that life does exist in two parallel forms: ‘reality’ and ‘illusion’.

Reality is what we are forced to live in, just because it is said to be ‘normal’ and ‘real’, although few realize that the concept of ‘reality’ and ‘real’ is also quite relative (like every other thing, in my opinion). My reality will always be different from yours, and yours will be different from another third person's. But the only thing that is common between all our realities is that it never can make us truly ‘happy’ (another concept that involves relativity). What makes me happy today, might not tomorrow, and vice-versa. And by always being close to ‘reality’, there will always be something that bothers us. I certainly, totally, completely, fully (and allother "ly-s" to emphasize my point) believe that it is impossible to have a picture perfect ‘reality’ and be happy with it. You can be content, compromise and adjust, but then again, that does reduce your happiness quotient (if that exists) to a large degree.

On the other hand, illusion (Aah! How much I love the word at this point in my life!!) is just being away from reality. It’s a far-faraway land where everything is perfect (because it is an illusion). And to achieve complete happiness, you need to believe, and indulge, in this world of Illusion. It’s easy to get into, but really difficult to come out of. Happiness is addictive, even if it is fake, un’real’ and 'created'. Once you are there, experiencing the ultimate form of happiness, you just want to be there forever, which is quite understandable and hence justifiable too.

But the question here is- how long can you ignore reality and live in this world of illusion? Well, very honestly, forever. It’s a personal choice to opt for an alternate reality and live with it, and no one has as much control of your life as you do (and if they do, it’s time I share with you some wisdom from past experiences), and therefore, can’t really get you out of it. Situations and circumstances are two other amazingly glorified words which can drag you out of your space. But wasn’t it the situations that provoked you to get into this in the first place??

 

So after giving it a lot of thought, I choose to live in illusion and remain happy for the rest of my life (that actually means till the time I survive here).

 

One last thing: You can either live reality and be sad, or live in a world of illusion and be happy J.

 

DISCLAIMER: Whatever I have theorized is simply out of convenience. It might be childish, foolish or baseless (call it whatever you may want to) but it does make life so much simpler and worthwhile.

NOTE: thanks ish, for editing :)